Not An April Fool's Joke

We've had some news to share for quite some time and here it is. I'm pregnant! I'm 17 weeks into my pregnancy this week and in three weeks from now (20 days to be exact) we will be finding out if this little peanut is another girl or a little boy. Right now my intuition is saying girl. Actually I don't know if I can call it intuition because it's more of a hope. My initial gut feeling was that this baby is a boy. I haven't decided if I'm going to share the news on social media yet but I figured it's about time I share it on my blog since this is essentially my journal.

Picture taken at 14 weeks.

I typed this up the night I found out I was pregnant but haven't posted it before now. I wanted my family to hear it from me before having them come across the news on here.

April 1, 2016

[I'm completely freaking out right now but in the best way possible! I think I'm pregnant! I'm hoping I am. I took the pregnancy test yesterday as well as the day before and both were negative. I was a bit bummed about it. I've been preparing myself for my period to start but it still hasn't. I'm never late. In fact, lately I've always been early. Today I was passing the aisle with the tests so I grabbed some and called Danny. I explained to him that I knew it was April Fools day but that I didn't want to wait another day to take the test again. We came up with two options. I could wait for him to come home so that he could be there when I took the test, or I could take it when I got home from the store and have brownies baked for him if the test was positive. I told him that if it was negative nothing would happen and that in no way would this become an April Fools joke. He chose the brownies. I got home and started a bath for Addie and then I took the test. Negative. I left the test on the counter so that Danny could see it when he got home. I wanted to keep the test as proof that I wasn't playing any tricks or anything considering the day it is. I continued bathing Addie and didn't look at the test again until the end of her bath when I was reaching for her towel and that's when I saw it. The faintest line I've ever seen! I quickly dug through the garbage and grabbed the other two tests from this week. Gross I know, but I didn't care. There they were. A faint line on all three, each one slightly darker than the other but all still pretty faint.

I do wish the lines were darker so that I could be absolutely sure, but a faint line is still a line right? I got pretty excited and shared the news with Addie who was still waiting for me to dry her off. She didn't understand what I was telling her but she acted amused anyway for my sake. I can't wait for Danny to get home! I'm excited to see his face once he walks in and takes in the sweet brownie smell signifying a positive test. He doesn't get home until after 10pm which right now feels like forever away, even though it's not but I've already proven how impatient I can be. ;) 

Addie is already in bed and the brownies are baking. So while I wait for Danny to come home I guess I'll continue writing. Danny and I have been trying for awhile now and each month taught me a lesson on patience. It wasn't a lesson I necessarily wanted to learn at first. Truth is I had never experienced a negative pregnancy test before until this last year and it's not a great feeling. Having to wait even a week longer was already one week more than I had to wait to get pregnant with Addie. One week turned into one month, then two months and three months. Eventually a little over six months. Six long months of fasting, hoping and praying. Six months might not feel like a long time, especially to those who are still experiencing years of trying but to no avail. I know that in the long run six months is not a lifetime, however, each one of those months felt like a lifetime to me. I couldn't even wait four full minutes for the final results of a pregnancy test, can you imagine me waiting half a year? I know this sounds dramatic and I know I'm still considered lucky because I know so many close friends going on years of waiting for a test to say positive. Now here I am, almost sure that I'm pregnant. Almost. Oh I so wish that faint line was dark. That's what I get for getting the cheapest test on the shelf.

The funny thing is that Danny had a feeling my tests were wrong. The day after my birthday he told me he had a feeling I was pregnant. I didn't want to believe him because I didn't want to get my hopes up. Plus I had sushi that week and I've been working out like crazy from all my new work out gear. But then I didn't start my 'time of the month' when I was supposed to. I took the test and when I told him I got a negative he looked confused. He told me he still thought I was pregnant. I had an extra test so I used that last one yesterday. I saw a negative. I never considered a false negative or the fact that I actually had to wait the full four minutes to even see anything. With Addie I got a dark line within seconds of taking it. When I called Danny today about buying a test he told me to get an expensive one. I told him I didn't want to spend more than a dollar to have something tell me I'm not pregnant. I opted for the cheap one instead. Something tells me Danny isn't going to be surprised by the brownies at all. He might even be suspecting it. I can't wait. :)

. . . . .

So he's home now! I was right in knowing that he knew he was right haha. He told me that he was practicing his surprised face for the last hour of his work. Oh I love him. I asked him if his reaction was close to what he had practiced and he said no that it was more real than he anticipated it would be. He told me he would've really been sad this month if I didn't get a positive (this would've been his first time reacting to a negative test, he's definitely the patient one out of us). Even better news is that when I showed him the test the line was darker! I'm so excited to be on this journey with Danny. I love my growing family.

PS: The baby brownies were delicious. I bought edible beads and wrote him a little message about him becoming a dad again on the brownies.

Some extra thoughts I'm having right now as I lay here awake . . . I did not have to wait over a year so I do not fall under the definition of infertile, BUT my heart goes out to those who do. I can't even imagine the heartbreak that comes with infertility. Each month I grieved over a life that was not inside of me. Thank goodness for the little girl I already have and for Danny who kept my spirits up when I was feeling down. It's because of Addie and her influence on my life that I love being a mother so much. It's because of Addie that I longed for another little spirit in our home. I never imagined the love I would have for motherhood until she introduced me to it. It's because of her that I wish every woman longing to be a mother could get her righteous desire. My prayers and thoughts go out to those who are experiencing their weeks turning into months and years of waiting. ]